Why Emily?
Why us?
And the only answer I can live with is that she chose us. There was always going to be an Emily Bean. So she chose to be our Emily Bean.
Walking this road with her brings so much joy. But on nights like tonight, sitting next to her as she sleeps in her hospital bed, just brings sadness and anger. And more 'whys'.
One of the biggest lessons I am learning is that a lot of my questions can't be answered. And if you know me, you know how this does not work for me. I am a problem solver. I keep at something until I have fixed it or at least made it better than when I found it. But I can't solve or fix what is wrong with Emily. And this breaks my heart. And on some days, breaks me.
Okay, so if Emily chose us, and I accept that 'fixing her' is not what I should be doing, then am I asking the wrong question?
Maybe my question should be 'is she happy' or 'is she loved' or 'are we doing all we can'?
And, the answer is yes.
And I can happily live with that.
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